Struggling to Ask for Help

Image from Unsplash by Iluha Zavaley

As a child, I was told to keep problems at home — being a Palestinian is something that wasn’t to be discussed publicly, most of the time.

While these things made me stronger in some regards, it definitely created a habit that reflected on what I saw growing up and continues to be the reality of who I am today.

I started a company that did that around the world, supporting organizations that support entrepreneurs who are launching or growing businesses, especially in under-served communities.

Today, I advise many to seek help, and see many immediately getting the support they need. It’s probably because I knew they needed help but wouldn’t ask for it. It’s probably because I have learned through my life that if you don’t know how to ask you might not ever ask ever, even when you are in deep trouble.

Even when I was homeless, I didn’t ask for a place to stay. Someone learned about it and said: I see you have luggage with you. Where are you going?

I had to respond: I’m looking for a place to stay.

They asked: Do you have a place in mind? I said: I don’t have money to find a place, so I sleep in my car.

That’s when they suggested I sleep in the guest room of the mosque in which I prayed. It was a guest room — no bathroom to shower, or kitchen to cook, but a place to sleep safely.

What I learned is that people will help when you ask for it.

But the fear of asking for help and the pride of being Palestinian — the belief that you don’t show weakness to anyone — continues to overcome me any time I need help. Many of you know I struggled with immigration issues for nearly 18 years without ever asking for help.

Now my cousin has been detained by Israel while traveling from the north to the south in Gaza. As you may know, the occupation power just chooses random people to detain — because they can.

His wife and son were — thankfully — released. We don’t know where he is being held, his status, or the reason for his being detained. He has no political or military affiliation of any kind, is just a guy going to work and trying to raise a family in an occupied territory.

Meanwhile, I still struggle to ask for help in finding him and getting him released!

I had the courage to ask a few people for help in finding who detained him in Gaza, and who has access to any military personnel who could find out where he is being held, and the potential for his release.

My family struggled to ask for help when they lost access to food and electricity. They struggled to ask for help when they were bombarded in 1967, and when they lost their homes in 1948. They struggled to ask for help when — on a good day in Gaza (pre-October) — they celebrated if they had six hours of power.

Under occupation, you learn how to live, how to get by. I struggled to ask for help when I was visiting Palestine and Israel and was not allowed to see my family in Gaza.

The ugliness of occupation and war — especially on civilians — is beyond what any of us here in the U.S. can imagine.

My family has never affiliated with military or political people. Unfortunately, they always lived under occupation and learned how to keep going no matter what.

At this time, I’m asking for help from anyone that knows anyone that could help us find and recover my cousin who was detained illegally by the occupying force while walking as a civilian on the one road that was designated as safe for travel.

I’m hoping one day it will come a bit easier for all of us not to have to ask for help, but if we do, that the world stands behind us.

BEFORE YOU GO

We see our blogs as opportunities for dialogue. Please share your thoughts as comments.

1. What can you do to overcome obstacles that you might face throughout your life or business?

2. What can you do to allow yourself to ask for help and accepting the help that comes?

3. What have you done in the past to accept someone’s giving hand or support while you are challenged?

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Faris Alami is Founder and CEO of International Strategic Management, Inc. (ISM). He works internationally, presenting Exploring Entrepreneurship Workshops and other entrepreneurial ecosystem — related ventures.